I was in a relationship for about 4.5 years and a few months ago we broke up. To my own surprise I found it the most freeing experience of my life!
But why was the break-up so liberating?
My ex-boyfriend and I were the perfect couple. He called me after he was clubbing at 3 in the morning just to say “I love you”. He made me a “Christmas-calendar-to-go” and we called each other every night to say “Sleep well”. People called us “the Lily and Marshall” and one friend even said that we were the ones who made her believe in true love. But somehow I was discontented, and I had no idea, why. I was grumpy when I came back from university; I gained a lot of weight and was generally unhappy. So I blamed all sorts of things for this: my friends, my studies, my roommates, the city I was living in etc. I made some big changes in my life, excluded many people, made new friends and moved a lot. But at some point I ran out of changes and
found myself living in a new city without friends, about 30 pounds heavier and still unhappy. When I looked in the mirror there was nothing that seemed familiar about me anymore and I just didn’t recognize myself. Then I listened to a song that was about the reasons for breaking-up and one line was striking: Right now I miss myself more than I ever missed you. I remember thinking “There is no reason, why we are still together”. And I think, he felt the same way. 2 weeks later we broke up during one of our sleep-well-calls. It was a casual conversation about our future plans when we realized that we don’t have a future together. Somehow the love between us has silently walked away and all that left was a friendship.
My ex-boyfriend and I were the perfect couple. He called me after he was clubbing at 3 in the morning just to say “I love you”. He made me a “Christmas-calendar-to-go” and we called each other every night to say “Sleep well”. People called us “the Lily and Marshall” and one friend even said that we were the ones who made her believe in true love. But somehow I was discontented, and I had no idea, why. I was grumpy when I came back from university; I gained a lot of weight and was generally unhappy. So I blamed all sorts of things for this: my friends, my studies, my roommates, the city I was living in etc. I made some big changes in my life, excluded many people, made new friends and moved a lot. But at some point I ran out of changes and
found myself living in a new city without friends, about 30 pounds heavier and still unhappy. When I looked in the mirror there was nothing that seemed familiar about me anymore and I just didn’t recognize myself. Then I listened to a song that was about the reasons for breaking-up and one line was striking: Right now I miss myself more than I ever missed you. I remember thinking “There is no reason, why we are still together”. And I think, he felt the same way. 2 weeks later we broke up during one of our sleep-well-calls. It was a casual conversation about our future plans when we realized that we don’t have a future together. Somehow the love between us has silently walked away and all that left was a friendship.
This has been 10 month ago and today I am the happiest I have ever been! I moved through the country again, have some amazing friends, lost 20 pounds, started to recognize myself in the mirror again and I have a very strong sense of who I am and what I want in life. There are many things that brought me to this point and it would be too much to discuss them all right now, but I will share them on this blog. Although it sounds hard, the break-up was the best thing that happened to me.
I know, breaking up feels awful and heartache is the worst feeling one can have. But it is also an opportunity to grow, to reset your life and to find out who you really are. You have the opportunity to turn your life in to a life you want to live. Bad relationships can be a big inhibition.
If you are still in the heartache phase, there are a few things that might help over it. I know, all you want to do after a break-up is cry, snuggle into a blanket on your sofa, eat ice cream, watch cheesy movies and listen to heartache songs. Or you want to go out with friends, get wasted, find random guys and have one-night-stands. But I would do the exact opposite. The worse I feel, the better I treat myself. I eat healthy, I do sports, I meet some dear friends and as long as I feel bad, I try not to have alcohol at all. For me alcohol only enhances the mood I am already in. After a break-up the self-esteem is often very low and it is not going to help you, when you gain 5 pounds, neglect your looks and sleep with people when you are not ready to. When you only sleep with someone for revenge and not because you enjoy doing it, you will only hurt yourself. I have no idea, why there is this stupid competition of winning a break-up. Instead you should treat yourself like you would treat your best friend and do things that make you feel better about yourself and that raise your self-esteem! Actually, that is what you should do in any situation ;). And one additional thought: If the “man of your dreams” has just dumped you, is he really the man of your dreams? Or don’t you think that you deserve someone who actually wants you?
So, get out of your pajama pants and into your sweat pants. There are times to cry, but right now it is time to value yourself as the amazing person you actually are. In a few months your heartache will be gone, but love handles will still be there. Sports releases endorphins and you will feel good about yourself and about your looks. Remember, sweat is fat crying ;)
Wow, that was one long post for the beginning, but it is a heavy topic.
All I want to say is that breaking up can be one of the greatest opportunities of your life and that you should be friendly to yourself while you are healing from heartache!
All the best,
Stefanie
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